Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.