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Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."