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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...