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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Velcro is a ripoff
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?