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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.