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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.