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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married