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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Plan B includes margaritas.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.