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Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"