Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!