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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iām sober.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!