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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t