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I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?