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I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.