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Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Chip clips are for quitters.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
It`s no fun if you have permission.