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How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.