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If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Hard butter is the devil.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.