Daily Silly Status

Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.

When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.

"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels

You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.

I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”

Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom

This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END

And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.

I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.

Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.

Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis

If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.

I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.

Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)