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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.