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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)