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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
This recliner and I go way back.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(