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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Iām going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people Iām going to haunt grows everyday.