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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?