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Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake