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My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
God is creative... I mean look at me??
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.