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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
Honk if you want to see my finger.