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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.