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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?