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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.