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“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.