Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"