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I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.