Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.