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If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!