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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.