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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.