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When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.