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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.