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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.