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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.