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We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?