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Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.