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Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Honk if you are reading this.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.