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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.