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"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Iām not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
It needs more cowbell!!
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.