Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.