Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.