Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.