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The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
I just made you think of an elephant
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.