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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.