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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out Iām not fat. Iām a panda.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.