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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
Long story short, I love summaries.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
why do i feel like you are reading this
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...