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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Girls just wanna have funds.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?