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I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."