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Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
I drink coffee for your protection.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.