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Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.