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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
I never finish anyth...............