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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.