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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.