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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
Hard butter is the devil.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"