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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.