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there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug