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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!